My first labor was over 50 hours, my second was 29 hours. My husband and I thought surely the second would be much shorter. We had prepared more, and were much more positive and proactive with this labor than the first. I don't really think there was much of a physical reason that it took so long, but I am certain of a spiritual one.
We started out labor excited and looking forward to the journey and seeing our precious baby at the end. I embraced the contractions and what my body, and God was doing to bring this baby out. Then it wore on longer than we thought. We struggled with why, but stayed positive. Then it wore on WAY longer than we thought. We got tired. We really struggled with why. Does God hate us? Is he punishing us for something we did wrong? Is he turning his face away from us? He encouraged us and strengthened us to push through. Only a short while from when we felt ready to give up, our son was born. What a wonderful experience it was! What an amazing lesson. I am deeply thankful for my long labors and the character building it has given me. It has taught me that right before the end of a trial you will feel like it will never end; and God doesn't put us through trials to torture us, but to teach us and grow us. We can't see that until the trial is over though, usually. Often when we ask God why he is allowing something in our lives that is painful, we think he doesn't answer; but if we would just listen we would hear, "I'm with you. This is necessary. Just hang on!"
I know that the trial we are going through right now WILL end.... just not yet. I am confident to trust that God will bring us through because he has brought us through before:)
"Cling tightly to your faith in Christ...." 1 Timothy 1:19a
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I sit here, with my 2 year-old on the potty and my newborn starting to stir in his bassinet, I feel the need to write again. I used to write blogs all the time - about what God had been teaching me, and what trials I had been going through. It was encouraging to others, but mostly it was a way to organize my thoughts and get the most out of what God was teaching me. It's been a couple of years since I really wrote anything. Motherhood has been so busy and full. Full of lessons too, that I wished I could share as I lie in my bed falling asleep hours later than I planned. I think I was more sane then. Just getting out things buried in my soul felt so freeing. That is why I feel I must take it up again - whether anyone reads them or not:)